Unsent
by jellyjay
Summary: There’s a small package of letters hidden in the contents of Lady Katara’s bedside table, tucked away in the very back of the very bottom drawer. No one knows they're there. She's not planning on saying they are. One-sided Kataang, mild Zutara.


**Unsent**

There's a small package of letters hidden in the contents of Lady Katara's bedside table, tucked away in the very back of the very bottom drawer where she keeps scrap paper, broken ink brushes and empty pots of ink. No one knows they're there and she has no intention of telling anyone any time soon.

She's never sent them. She doesn't even know why she writes them. But what matters is that they make her feel better after a long day of work with the Avatar.

They ease the pain in the corners of her heart and in the end, she manages to dull the ache just enough to get a good night's rest without the doubts and heavy thoughts to plague to her dreams.

If anyone knew about these letters but had not read them, they would think that they are unsent love letters.

They're not.

They are unsent apologies.

Because regardless of how she behaves around her fiancée – the Avatar – during the day, she comes home with a heavy heart in the evening and allows the façade to fade once she reaches some privacy.

Even the spirits can only imagine how much _pain_ it causes her to pretend she loves someone she doesn't.

* * *

_Dear Aang,_

_I wish I could tell you what's going on. I wish I could tell you why I can't bring myself to look at you when you tell me you love me. I keep telling myself that I'm just being stupid and overly dramatic and that it'll get better over time. I keep expecting this to get easier so I can get over it eventually._

_But it's been months. And I still can't look at you._

_I'm sorry._

_- Katara_

* * *

It's been a while since she's given anyone a real smile.

It's kind of irritating that Aang can't tell.

Of all people, her _fiancée _can't tell the difference between a smile she forces and a smile that comes naturally. She doesn't think he's even noticed that she can't look him in the eye. In her own opinion, it feels like he doesn't care what kind of smile she gives him as long as she's smiling.

Half the time, she doesn't know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing.

_It will get better, _she tells herself again, and again and again. _It will. Aang loves you with all his heart – everything will be okay._

* * *

_Dear Aang,_

_I wish _you_ could _tell_. As much as I love you, I don't love you the way you want me to – I don't think I ever have – but I just _wish _you could tell for yourself._

_It's awful having to convince myself that your inability to figure it out is for the better because I don't want to hurt you. I would hand my face over to the face stealer without even thinking about it if it meant you would never ever get hurt._

_I don't know how to break it to you._

_I don't know how to tell you I don't love you that way._

_I am so sorry. _

_- Katara_

* * *

She's never actually said the words "I love you" to him.

Never properly. It's always been "Me too," or something of the like, and she thinks she's close to figuring out why.

She's always thought of herself as a prize (for lack of better word) for him for saving the world. A sort of "Congratulations, you did it!" kind of thing. And it kind of feels like he's been treating her like one.

She'd never thought Aang would be the possessive type. He presses his culture on her, telling her she looks amazing in orange and that once they were married she would have no problem adjusting and so on and so forth.

When she speaks to other boys her age at feasts and celebrations, he always ends up in the corner of the room sulking until she gives him her full and undivided attention for the rest of the event.

There's only so much she can take.

* * *

_Dear Aang,_

_You have to stop some time. I am not an Air Nomad. I am not a prize you won. I am not married to you yet._

_I'm so pathetic sometimes. I hate pretending I love you that way and I hate the way I end up going along with the majority of your wants and needs. But I can't end it._

_I can't end this spirit damned relationship because I don't want to hurt you._

_I am so, so sorry._

_- Katara_

* * *

"Aren't you a big girl now?"

She _laughs. _It's the first time she's laughed a real laugh in _so _long and the reason is because Fire Lord Zuko thinks he can waltz up to her and repeat the words he'd spoken the first time she fought him properly – back when they were teenagers on different sides of the war.

"Is that any way to treat your host, _little boy_?"

Zuko smirks at her. "Well, hello to you too."

It's been a while since she hasn't had to pretend. She laughs again and pulls him into a tight hug, resting her chin over his shoulder.

"It's been a while," she giggles.

"Yeah," he breathes.

It's then and there that she thinks she realises why she doesn't love Aang the way she wants to.

She's in love with someone else.

* * *

_Dear Aang,_

_I… I think I've figured it out. I think I know why I've been pretending all this time._

_It's Zuko._

_Please forgive me._

_- Katara_

* * *

One day, as she's flipping through some of the old letters in her bottom drawer, she finds one she didn't write.

And she doesn't know why, but she begins to cry. She should be happy with what it says but she's not entirely sure if these tears are tears of joy or sorrow. Did he know, all this time? Perhaps he only just found out. It's hard to tell.

It's a little coincidental this letter appears the day before Zuko leaves, but after a while, she begins to laugh. She must be a madwoman, she thinks, crying one second, laughing the next, but she drops the parchment and hurries to find Zuko and Aang.

The letter lies forgotten at the foot of her bed.

* * *

_Dear Katara,_

_I am so, so, sorry. I was happy for a while, you know, until I noticed you weren't. I know. I figured it out a while ago, and I'm sorry times a million for never telling you._

_It's okay. I will never ask you to lie to me, and even though I wish you could have just told me, I want you to know that you'll always be here in my heart._

_I love you. And it pains me to see you in so much hurt._

_Zuko will be leaving soon. You should let him know what's going on. Thank you, for always being here. For staying with me even though it killed you to. I don't want to see you hurting anymore._

_But thank you. I'll always love you, but it's time I let go. I should have done long ago. I realise that now._

_- Aang_

_P.S. Please don't cry. And don't feel bad either. I know you – you're not going to get over this unless someone hits you. The more time you spend crying and moping, the less you have to find Zuko. :)_


End file.
